No Longer Happy News
I just found out about yet another friend’s pregnancy, bringing up the total to, oh, almost everyone I know. And it kills me that my first response is to get sad and cry. (This was not in person, by the way, but over email. I don’t know what I would have done in person. Probably a wan congratulations & a forced smile. And she would understand.) It’s not that I don’t want to be happy for her. I AM happy for her. But my own sadness is bigger. My brain immediately started trying to pep talk me: “It’s OK, this is great for them, she’s 4 or 5 years older than me, I’m glad everything is going well for them,” etc. etc. But I couldn’t stop the tears. I don’t want that to be how I react to someone’s good news. But it’s visceral; I have no control over it. And I can’t force myself to hurry up and get over it. That’s not how grief works. I don’t want to be grieving, but obviously I have no choice but to keep living it. Ugh.
