Nervous
I’m starting to feel nervous and impatient about getting the results from the chromosomal testing. Tomorrow is 4 weeks since the D&C, and they told me that it might take that long to get the results back. I know it’s going to be really emotional to have to be in that place, where we find out what was wrong with our poor baby. Especially because we will probably go in to the midwives’ office to get the results in person. We’ll be able to find out if it was a boy or girl. And we’ll know what killed him or her. Knowing that we’re closer to getting the results but don’t have them yet reminds me the nightmare’s not over. I’m hopeful that the results verify what Dr. Abramowitz suspected—that it was a fluke, not likely to happen again. But I’m terrified that they won’t—that instead of being able to try again when my cycle comes back, we’ll have new questions involving genetics.
Thanksgiving was hard. I had been looking forward to the holidays this year, celebrating them with this extra joy in our lives. Getting to the holidays is now just a reminder that everything still feels wrong. And it was unexpectedly different to be out of town & spending a night away from my own bed. Apparently I’m still clinging pretty hard to my routine.
