Nov
10
Empty
After we left the hospital, I told Jed that I didn’t feel the sense of relief that some people feel after the D&C. I just felt empty. The next couple days I was pretty focused on managing the pain and staying distracted. And then I realized, I suppose when I was ready for my brain to go there, that there was nothing left but to be sad. No next steps, nothing else to wonder about or prepare for. Just the sadness of my baby being gone, the tragedy of our dashed hopes and canceled plans. Crushing sadness that feels like it will last forever.
I haven’t accepted it yet. I don’t want to have been forced to cancel that new, exciting stage of life we had eagerly entered. I don’t want my baby to be gone.
